8.05.2020

8/5/2020

the moon is expectionally bright tonight. I stood outside on my balcony while I smoked a cigarette (actually and surprisingly to you reader — given your likely demographic if there's actually anyone reading this, a question that for the very moment remain unanswered — a long story and not where I intended to land this evening but it involved my vape and a certain number of taps on a hard solid service to make it work each time, even though I bought a new one less than a week ago after a four-store odyssey and said taps are now a defunct solution to an upon-receipt flawed device), looked up after being outside 30 minutes earlier, saw erstwhile overwhelming ivory monuments to precipitation as now broken, humbled lavender stones, thought "well that's disappointing," turned and saw the moon.

it had that lens flare thing (there's probably a medical/scientific term for that) with a perfect consummate (v's) six-point star emanating from its center. i thought how immediate and never it looked, and i asked my phone, "hey google, how far away is the moon?"

and it told me on average about 30 earths,

and i thought,

"that doesn't seem far away at all."

8.14.2011

Essays I Want To Write But Am Apprehensive About Writing

The title is fairly self-explanatory. Let's call this a first step. The topics are:

1) Songs I Would Want to Play Over The End Credits of a Movie About My Life. "My Life" being an entirely subjective perspective. Criteria would include:

- The end of the movie begins with me in a car - which shouldn't be a beater, per se, but a car that Can Get Me There, luxury cars also excluded

- The song plays as I drive along this stretch of road, alone, with various close-ups shots: My index and middle fingers, of my right hand, clutching worry beads/a chain of some personal value/a cigarette/a physical objective of some emotional value; my eyes, my left hand grabbing alternately the vehicle's steering wheel and the area slightly above and to the right of my left breast; the road itself and various signs along the road; the rear view mirror, preferably showing my fixated gaze; my right thumb and index finger showing me showing me flipping through my iPod, obviously showing me ultimately choosing the song that would play over the course of the end credits

- After all the cuts to various close-ups and long-shots of me driving, would end with a 15-20 second cut of me just driving, at medium shot distance, before I look at the camera just before it cuts to black - with either a knowing look or a look of mild apprehension, depending on the viewer's interpretation - showing rolling credits, thus lending itself to a song that has a dramatic transition or at least a point in the composition that lends itself to such a cutaway

- A certain amount of ambiguity - the song cannot be too happy, nor too sad, lest it lend itself to a particular interpretation, as neither would be appropriate.

2) A modern extrapolation and explanation of Hanlon's Razor: "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." Illuminating examples on the national level; the local level; and the personal level.

3) Songs I Would Want To Dance To At My Wedding. Not linked to either # or #2 on this list, although related to both. Discuss what those choices me about both myself and a general view of humanity.

BONUS POST: Why I Stopped Writing Online Regularly, As I Erstwhile Performed, In Totality.

4.22.2009

Care to Comment?

Free Press and other Wicked Local readers have had the ability to post comments on stories since October last year. If you’re reading this online, the siren call of the boxes labeled “Name” and “Comment” beckons at the bottom of this page. This article itself may result in a number comments, simply because we live in the postmodern age of thought and commenting on an article about commenting is too savory a dish to pass up … or maybe because E.B. White, Marilyn Manson, Oscar Wilde and Radiohead all makes appearances at one point or another, and one of those is bound to provide enough fodder for a retort.

The commenting feature has elicited a deluge of feedback. Among the lamentations heard both in person and read in the comments themselves has been that allowing anonymous comments on the Web site has lowered the level of discourse.

Indeed, perusing the comments of a story can yield attacks seemingly unrelated to the topic of the article, wild speculation and non sequiturs, both of the illogical and intentionally humorous varieties — all ridden with grammatical and spelling errors.

These, of course, are occasionally interrupted by thoughtful comments and opinions. Even those thoughtful contributions sometimes come from posters who do not keep a copy of The Elements of Style next to their computer, but their scriptural shortcomings do not necessarily deprive their comments of thoughtful, honest opinion, only merely obscure it to a degree.

Still, the focus remains on the banal back-and-forth that can dominate any online forum. The downward spiral quickens its pace most often when a comment makes either a wild accusation or speculation, or someone is invoked by name. It’s a form of “gotcha” — either by throwing an idea into the fray or by goading someone into a reply by writing their name.

It is quick and easy to comment, both technically — a few keystrokes, a click of the mouse and voila — and given the lack of immediate repercussions, plus the Internet’s unfettered and ostensibly — but not truly — free environment.

It is certainly a new medium, or “new media” as the journalism industry calls it with a slight whiff of condescension or fear, so both the readers and writers play by new rules. Although Free Press articles now feature “Pool Rules” listed at the comment section, they are not so much rules, but polite suggestions that only have the specter of the possible deletion of a comment hovering behind them. Generally, online comments posted on Web sites are much like schoolyard games, and as Mary and Herbert Knapp wrote in One Potato, Two Potato: The Secret Education of American Children:

“The distinguishing characteristic of a traditional folk game is that although it has rules they are not written. Nobody knows exactly what they are. The players have a tradition to guide them, but must settle among themselves the details of how to play a particular game.”

Currently lacking a formal e-mail registration process that can track who posts what, commenters apply their own rules in regards to what they deem to be a contribution to the discussion. Left without particular mandates, the commenter’s choice to click on “Add Comment” becomes a matter of situational ethics or, at the very least, whether or not their contribution is funny enough, which can be matter of situational ethics in its own right if the commenter alone will find it funny and believes there is enough value in that.

So, has this new ability actually lowered the level of civil discourse? Ultimately, no — it hasn’t lowered the bar any further, but simply made the location of the bar that much more public.

“Times have not become more violent,” rock and roller Marilyn Manson wrote in Rolling Stone after the Columbine shootings. “They have just become more televised.”

Some readers have deemed posts on various articles uncouth, paranoid and, and at their very worst, vengeful. Ultimately it is objectively impossible to discern whether any of those previous adjectives apply, but even if they do, does that then tarnish an utterance that may be true?

Motive may not be as important as the truth of the word. Someone may something true, even in an anonymous posting, with the worst of intentions. Yet despite intention, truth is truth — at least in terms of determinable fact. Whether or not an utterance is meant to make someone else look bad or fulfill a personal, self-aggrandizing desire does not diminish whether something is verifiable or not.

So why a certain amount of backlash regarding online, anonymous comments? There is certainly a concern over a lack of accountability — we are a hierarchical society that depends on set orders of powers to, at the very least, keep the power of others in check. This applies most to those comments considered ‘untrue,’ those wild accusations and speculations.

However, to a certain degree there may be a backlash over public sentiment itself. Oscar Wilde added a preface to The Picture of Dorian Gray added after the novel’s original publication in Lippincott’s Magazine stirred controversy in Victorian culture.

In that preface, Wilde wrote, “The nineteenth century dislike of realism is the rage of Caliban seeing his own face in a glass.”

The twenty-first century dislike of online comments is the rage of Caliban seeing his own face in a glass. The Internet, whether through comments sections or otherwise, holds the mirror up. It is merely a reflection. Not everybody likes what they see when they look in the mirror.

Of course, there remains the question of providing the mirror itself. By allowing the widespread dissemination of ideas from the public, do Web sites then somehow validate those ideas, even at their most absurd, and even encourage that level of discussion?

That’s a question worth asking. Online comments, at least on a basal level, place each contribution on the same level, effectively equating one response with all. However, this is where the reader comes in. Even when browsing the paper, the responsibility is upon the reader, to a certain degree, to make his or her own determinations. Motive is rarely verifiable; if it were, more psychics would stay in business longer. The same applies for anything read on the Internet, whether a commenter’s post at the end of the story, or pundit of repute’s blog entry. The sin is never in making ideas available; the sin is in never even considering them before acceptance or dismissal.

As Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes wrote in his dissenting opinion of Abrams v. the United States:

“Persecution for the expression of opinions seems to me perfectly logical. If you have no doubt of your premises or your power and want a certain result with all your heart you naturally express your wishes in law and sweep away all opposition.

“But when men have realized that time has upset many fighting faiths, they may come to believe even more than they believe the very foundations of their own conduct that the ultimate good desired is better reached by free trade in ideas,” Holmes wrote. “That the best test of truth is the power of the thought to get itself accepted in the competition of the market, and that truth is the only ground upon which their wishes safely can be carried out.”

Perhaps it is a utopian view to believe that truth can win out in the marketplace of ideas, even a marketplace that makes no discernment between products of high and low quality. Yet American society is not predicated upon the ability for its members to make what another would deem the correct decision — merely to give them the option.

Still, freedom of speech aside, commenters would be at least wise to heed the words of Thom Yorke singing on the latest Radiohead album:

“Words are a blunt instrument. Words are a sawn-off shotgun.”

1.09.2009

Albums may be dying, but if these albums are in the CD player, I must listen to ...

Even the most tech-savvy among us may cringe at what the computer age has done to music. It's not downloading itself that's the problem. The music industry has always been focused on hit singles - just listen to any "hit" record from the past decade and you'll find a couple of good songs floating in a miasma of mediocre music - and as albums sales continue their nosedive, industry folks are most likely thinking of doing away with albums entirely. After all, years ago many successful musical acts would only release singles, a business model easily replicated today with the a la carte selections available online.

Why do I cringe at the singles-only business model? Perhaps it's nostalgia - I still don't have an MP3 player - but I still believe some albums should be experienced as moments on to themselves. Instead of flipping the MP3 player on random, or creating a playlist of our favorite songs, we should take the album, slip it into our player and press play. In many cases, there's a reason why the artist(s) decided to order the songs in a specific way ... and here's my first relevant pop culture reference:

"The making of a great compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do and takes ages longer than it might seem. You gotta kick off with a killer, to grab attention. Then you got to take it up a notch, but you don't wanna blow your wad, so then you got to cool it off a notch. There are a lot of rules. Anyway... I've started to make a tape... in my head... for Laura. Full of stuff she likes. Full of stuff that make her happy. For the first time I can sort of see how that is done. "

(You know, I purged everything by and about me on the Internet for a reason. Starting over. Keeping up the same old habits, though, like the references. Montaigne-like. Still my greatest influence. Moving on.)

Anyway, devoted artists usually sequence the album because they intended the listener to hear it that way. Further, there's an aesthetic quality to wanting to hear a certain album, finding it in your pile or stack, taking it out, holding it, turning it over in your hand, deliberately inserting it into the player and pressing play in anticipation. The ritualistic proceedings add to the overall experience.

I'm not even talking about vinyl here - which has its own beatified status - but any kind of album, whether on CD, cassette or whatever. I once read an interview with Eddie Vedder that I wish I could find online right now; years ago, Vedder (a noted vinyl advocate - Pearl Jam still releases all their fan club Christmas Gifts on 45s and mine are on display to my right at this desk) lamented the onslaught of the digital music age. Specifically, he spoke about simply browsing a record store, sparking conversations with other people, hearing music you didn't know in the store, flipping through a random section and finding something new. All those physical experiences that are, in turn, emotional and personal experiences as well. I find the same personal experience involved in finding the exact album I want, holding it in my hand, blowing on it so I can dust it off or, in a Sisyphean effort, buff out the scratches that I know from past experience will probably kick in at 2:23 on track 8.

When it comes to albums I want to listen all the way through from start to finish, I also don't mean concept albums. The rise of rock and roll as an art form - and I hate to sound like Jeff Bebe here - can be tied, at least chronologically, to the prominence of true albums that are complete works, as opposed to singles. Singles were still very much in vogue in the early years of rock and roll, up until this point in 1967, while concept albums, as linked to earlier, have a long and storied history. There mustn't be a thematic link between every song on the album or a complete story told; merely an artist or artists that take great care in writing and performing a collection of songs, before winnowing those songs down to a select few. Much like a great short story collection, a great album need not a linear narrative or theme, but merely a selective artist.

(By the way, do you own Pet Sounds yet? No? Click on the last link and buy it right now. I'm not even joking. I might fight you if you don't. Not much of a threat, but it's all I got.)

All of this was brought on by a drive I took earlier tonight. Per usual, it was a drive to nowhere, merely a chance to experience the sensation of movement. During this drive, struck by an acute yet ambiguous malaise that had plagued me most of the day, I realized I needed to listen to Vs. (Wish I still had that original cassette labeled "Five Against One." It might even be around here somewhere.) A feeling did not wash over me, nor had anything happened during the day that directly related to a nostalgic feeling associated with that album. Simply, it was the right album at the right time. I leaned over from the driver's seat, while driving on a 25 mph speed limit street in a residential neighborhood and going 35-40 mph, fumbling for a CD case. I flipped through it and found nothing, not even hidden behind other CDs clumsily shoved into their tenuous plastic cases.

I reached back for the second CD case, far less bulky due to the limited number of CDs stored within - why is one CD case so gorged why the other largely empty? - and began flipping through it with one overhead light switched on, one eye on the road and another on the CD case. I must find this CD. I finally found Vs., blew on it with an O-shaped mouth, gently rubbed it in a circular motion on my jeans, on my right thigh, and inserted the CD into my player, anticipating the first few harmonic rattlings of Mike McCready's guitar before Jeff Ament begins playing that riff. I drove around for approximately 46 minutes and eventually made my way home as the last organ chords of "Indifference" faded out.

Call it catharsis or whatever term you can relate to, but I arrived home and felt pure again. I had left everything out on the road.

As my mind wandered, as it usually does, I thought about which songs affected me most, which in turn made me think of Greatest Hits collections. Those "greatest hit" collections never hit the mark. Any Bob Dylan fan could give you a personal, unique list of songs that I sincerely doubt would match track for track any of Dylan's greatest hits releases.

So here's a list of my favorite Pearl Jam Songs That Have Been Released on Albums, including the B-sides and rarities collection Lost Dogs. These are the songs that, if a particular album is my CD player, I must listen to before ejected the CD, with notes and comments afterward including my Top Pick and Oddity. It's worth noting that the prevalence of the songs has played a part in these selections - you won't see "Jeremy" on here - because the need to listen to a particular song is likely diminished, as rarity always increases value, whether we like it or not ... and if as on cue, "WorldWide Suicide" begins playing on Channel 1814, the alternative music channel on Verizon TV playing in the background in this room.

Ten:
  • Oceans
  • Garden
  • Deep
  • Release
Comments: The aforementioned prevalence of songs explains the absence of "Alive," "Evenflow," "Porch" and "Black." Of course, it's odd on this album, widely considered to their best (although not by me) and certainly their most hit-heavy, to have only four songs. However, I have to listen to all these songs above all others. "Garden" is obtuse at first, but one of the best anti-war songs I've ever heard (picture that playing in Arlington National Cemetery); Deep just hits hard, while painting a compelling narrative between an unrelated heroin addict and a passerby on the street; despite having the same experience as Vedder (who could?), "Release" is a song for any son and father relationship; "Oceans" is just stirring.

Top Pick: Oceans

Oddity: Deep

Vs.
  • Go
  • W.M.A.
  • Rearviewmirror
  • Leash
  • Indifference
Comments: Again, prevalence of songs makes me leave out "Daughter," "Elderly Woman" and "Dissident," simply because I hear them all the time. When I put Vs. into the CD player, the songs I need to hear before ejecting. "Go" hits hard, while "W.M.A." is socially acute (based on a true story) and sobering because of its truth. "Rearviewmirror" is one of those songs everyone can relate to; "Leash" is a generational anthem (members of the Jamily, please don't call me a "Leash p*@#y"); "Indifference" epitomizes one of my long standing themes - beautiful desperation.

Top Pick: Rearviewmirror

Oddity: W.M.A.

Vitalogy
  • Last Exit
  • Nothingman
  • Corduroy
  • Satan's Bed
  • Immortality
Comments: "Corduroy" is the first song that eschews the "too prevalent/overplayed" mold ... I simply can't get sick of that song. Selfishly, I relate to it every time I hear it (or play it with the guys), even though Stoney never bought me a corduroy jacket that was mass produced for corporate profits. "Last Exit" is also one of those "I relate to this!" songs; "Nothingman" is beautiful and oddly accurate; "Satan's Bed" is like a modern Who song; "Immortality" is a beautiful cry in the dark wood we all wander through.

Top Pick: Corduory

Oddity: Satan's Bed

No Code
  • Sometimes
  • In My Tree
  • Present Tense
  • I'm Open
Comments: Now we're getting into the experimental phase, so the "prevalent" song theory is shot down ... "Sometimes" has beautiful lyrical imagery and the music is subtle, yet unnerving. "In My Tree" is, without hyperbole, possibly my favorite Pearl Jam song of all time - Vedder, while reclaiming his innocence, reclaims the listener's. "Present Tense" is the song I want played at my funeral. "I'm Open," despite it's status as the token 'weird' song, speaks to the loss of innocence we all continuously feel. It's difficult to overstate how much I love "No Code."

Top Pick: In My Tree

Oddity: I'm Open

Yield
  • Brain of J
  • Given to Fly
  • Do the Evolution
  • Low Light
  • Push Me, Pull Me
Comments: The guys start rocking harder again, certainly in comparison to No Code, but it almost feels forced. Still, "Brain of J" is a longtime live favorite they finally put on an album and is an inspired playing selection when I'm feeling political. "Given to Fly" avoids the "prevalence" tag - when asked whether it was about Jesus, Vedder said it was up to listener, and I like that. "Do the Evolution" is Pearl Jam at its hard-rocking cynical best. "Low Light" comes back to the idea of "beautiful desperation," thank you Jeff. "Push Me, Pull Me" is one of the 'weird' songs - although "red dot" might take that title on this album - has some of my favorite Vedder lyrics of all-time. A sample:

"I had a false belief /I thought I came here to stay/ We're all just visiting/ All just breaking like waves" ... and ... "So if there were no angels, would there be no sin?/ You better stop me before I begin/ But let me say, if I behave can you arrange/ a spacious hole in the ground/ Somewhere nice, make it nice /Where the land meets high tide" ... and ... "Like a cloud dropping rain/ I'm discarding all thought/ I'll dry up, leaving puddles on the ground/ I'm like an opening band for the sun." OK, that's almost the whole song.

Top Pick: Do the Evolution

Oddity: Push Me, Pull Me

Binaural

  • Nothing As It Seems
  • Insignificance
  • Of the Girl
  • Grievance
  • Sleight of Hand
  • Soon Forget

Comments: Binaural's an odd album for me. It's not that I dislike the harder hitting songs, but like "Yield" and the forthcoming "Riot Act," they almost sound forced, hence my list. Jeff Ament nails it again with "Nothing As It Seems," pinpointing the quiet discomfort of a small community, while "Insignificance" is the 2nd best song about the futility of political dissent, after The Who's "Won't Get Fooled Again." "Of the Girl" is without question the greatest breakup song of all time; "Grievance" not only imports the feeling of political unrest, but social unrest as well; "Sleight of Hand" should be listened to weekly by anyone working in a corporate job, but has this uplifting ending. It's ephemeral yet immediate, and up there with "In My Tree" for favorite Pearl Jam song. "Soon Forget" is an opportunity to Vedder to showcase his underestimated sense of humor that's both funny and poignant - Bill Hicks would be proud.

Top Pick: Sleight of Hand OR Of the Girl ... it's hard to pick between those two.

Oddity: Soon Forget

Riot Act

  • Can't Keep
  • Love Boat Captain
  • Thumbing My Way
  • Arc
  • All or None
Comments: "Can't Keep" is the best Pearl Jam album opener since "Go"; it sets the mood for the album and there's something intensely personal about it. "Love Boat Captain" co-opts The Beatles more than just lyrically; like "Hey Jude," it's bittersweet. "Thumbing My Way" is some of Vedder's best lyrics and foreshadows his work on the "Into The Wild" soundtrack. "Arc" is devastating (this list is about album songs, but hearing that live was one of the most memorable moments of my life ... the crowd fell quiet as he began chanting into the microphone). "All or None" is just a thoughtfully composed song.

Top Pick: Arc

Oddity: Honestly, it'd be "Arc" again, given its nature.

"Avocado", a.k.a., Pearl Jam
  • Comatose
  • Severed Hand
  • Gone
  • Wasted Reprise
  • Army Reserve
  • Come Back
Comments: Pearl Jam hasn't rocked this hard since this Vs./Vitalogy days. Thanks, W! Speaking of rocking hard, "Comatose." Jesus. Put this song on and pan the sound all the way to the left, so you can hear a faint guitar and Vedder just screaming for the first 10 seconds or so. "Severed Hand" is heavy hitting while imparting a reoccurring theme in Vedder's lyrics ("once dissolved we are free to grow"), while "Gone" similarly carries on Vedder's tradition of writing terrific songs about getting away with integrity intact. "Wasted Reprise" almost upstages the actual "Life Wasted" and I think Pearl Jam gets it too, based on how much they play it live. "Army Reserve" is on par with "Arc" for how devastating it is - a real human face is put on the war. Every time I hear "Come Back," I think of a particular friend who died a few years back. It's exactly how I feel about him.

Top Pick: Come Back

Oddity: Wasted Reprise, even though its only odd for being short and an organ-only track (Booooom!)

Lost Dogs (by disc)

Disc One:
  • Sad
  • Down
  • Education
  • Undone
Comments: I still don't know how "Sad" got left off "No Code," especially with its Middle Eastern-themed main riff. Everyone I know who has listened to "Down" - Pearl Jam fan or not - thinks its a great song, and they're right. Wish I asked Zinn about it the one time I met him at BU. "Education" follows Vedder's great tradition of introspective, yet familiar political songs; "Undone" doesn't have to be political - it can lift your mood no matter where you're going (as it says in the liner notes, it should be played in car turned all the way up).

Disc Two

  • Fatal
  • Hard to Imagine
  • Footsteps
  • Wash
  • Drifting
Comments: Changing "the answers in Plato" to "the answers are fatal" in "Fatal" completely changes the song (for the better), but the musical composition is what makes this song. "Hard to Imagine" is a song to sing to yourself with arms outstretched in a summer rainstorm. "Footsteps" still hits hard after all these years; "Wash" is another summer rainstorm song, although coming from a far more desperate place; "Drifting," like "Soon Forget," displays Vedder's underrated sense of humor while being the type of song you can hum to yourself on your way to the corporate office and make you feel a little better about your place in the world.